Rue's Death
by S1iverSun
Summary: Rue's final thoughts as she waits to fall into a deep sleep when she finds peace in the Hunger Games. Mention of blood...obviously.


At first, there's nothing. It all happens so fast that I can't react. It's like lightening striking without a sound. A shock runs through my system after a moment. It's surreal. Something's wrong. I know that much. I can feel something wrong below my line of sight. All I have to do is look down, but I'm afraid to.

I move my fingers to touch my chest then lower to my stomach. Feel a warm stream of oozing liquid coating my clothes. When I do look, really look, I see blood blackening and staining my shirt. In the center of the dark stain is a shining, silver spear. I can't process it. I just look down, like it was a snake on the ground in the fields, and I stare.

It can kill me. I know the danger. But, something stops me from saying anything. I can't believe what's in front of me. I'm not sure if it's real. It's too rate and such an alien feeling. I don't know what to do with it. I want to call out to my mom. If I call her, she'll protect me from danger. She always protected me. Looking down at all the blood, my lips move to form her name; no sound comes out.

Looking up, I see a familiar girl with black hair tied in a braid. She's bigger than me and immediately I think that means she's a great protector. As much as I don't like to admit it to my brother, he always knows best. I wish he was here now. Katniss is his age. She'll know what to do. I force my voice to come back to me and I whisper her name.

I don't get to say anything else. I don't even think she heard me. I wonder if I should try to ask again. But, I get the feeling I don't need to say anything else. I look down again. There's a lot of black and red. A lump forms in my throat, my mouth tastes like metal, my heart is racing fast, and I want to scream. I know I'm going to be sick. Grabbing the very real spear, I pull. Fiery pain radiates from my stomach and I need to scream. When I open my mouth there's nothing. It hurts so much. My legs are so heavy. The forest is spinning and my head feels funny. I collapse and the pain of the sudden movement makes me wince. Katniss catches me in a warm and gentle embrace.

_I'm safe. It's okay_, I think.

Why is my heat still racing? Why are my hands getting cold? Why do I still feel a pit in my stomach that makes me even more nervous now? There's still a pain in my stomach as it twists in all different directions and flames up in little pinches of pain. I suddenly think of how I don't want to die. I think of the breaths I'm taking and the smell of the forest. I look up at Katniss as she says I'll be okay. She's not soothing me. The way she says it is too fast and too frantic. I can't settle. There are too many thoughts rushing through my head frantically. I think...I think I'm afraid.

I have to calm myself down. I want this feeling to go away. I focus on the warmth surrounding me. I feel a little safer, but not safe enough. I start to think of my brother and how he used to hold me like this. Whenever he wanted to tease me and call me a baby he'd hold me like this. I try to laugh at the memory, but it's too painful. I jut out a short breath instead. I think I might throw up. I keep my eyes focused on Katniss looking down at me.

She looks afraid. That glace she gives me make the lump in my throat even bigger and my moth tastes too much like copper. Adults are never afraid. At least, that's what they try to make me think. They put on that mask that makes me feel better, even when I know it's a lie. The expression on her face as she looks at my stomach lets me know one thing: This is very, very bad.

In a flash, she hides that look, but I can see tears in her eyes. I don't want her to cry. I feel tears welling up in my own eyes. My stomach hurts so much with an indescribable pain. Whenever I try to breath, I'm cut short because of a sharp jab of pain in my lungs. Lots of tears blur my vision. I don't want anyone to cry.

I know I'm afraid. I think of everything quickly. Any important thoughts, anything I need to say, anything I need to hear, anything is important. I need to know something very important.

"Did you blow up the food?" I ask quickly. I lose my breath at the last part and it comes out too soft.

Katniss nods and smiles a little. I hear her voice crack as she says, "Every bit of it."

I try to smile a little. Everything feels a little lighter. A weight is lifted off my shoulders somehow. We got the food. We can win now. I did my job. I helped Katniss. We succeeded. We can win. My hands are numb. My head is woozy and I think I see two of Katniss for a moment. Everything is starting to numb. My stomach isn't hurting as much anymore. I breath out a little calmer. Maybe this is a good sign. I want to say how happy that makes me, but all I can manage is a short, "Good."

The look in Katniss's eyes is familiar to me. My mother used to have that expression when I mentioned my brother. She'd smile at me and say everything was alright. Katniss was doing the same in her own way. I think of my brother now. He used to protect me like Katniss does. She protects like I protect my younger brothers and sisters now. I realize something so suddenly I'm not even prepared for it.

I'm going to die. I'm completely sure of it. Fear is beginning to consume me and is pounding against my head not letting me out. It pricks every sensitive spot until I'm so sick I can't stand it. I focus on Katniss. Katniss reminds me of my family. She is a person, a protector. She's caring and kind. I want her to win. She helped me. She protected me. She is helping me. She is protecting me.

I want her to go home. She has a family outside the arena. I don't think I'm going to see my family again. But, if she sees them, maybe she'll tell them about me. Maybe when she sees her own family she'll be happy as I was. And it's okay if _one_ of use gets to go home, right?

I try to say clearly and loudly, "You have to win." I can't raise my voice further than a choked whisper. I'm afraid she didn't hear me and I try to repeat it, but I can't. I know she'll do it. She's strong. She'll go home and see her sisters, her brother, and her parents.

I think of my mother. Her kind, loving hold was always around me. She has a wonderful ivory smile and beautiful black hair. Her laugh and smile belong to an angle. People say I have her smile, but I don't think I'd ever have such a beautiful smile as my mother's. My entire house was always filled with smiles an d laughter over the smell of her cooking of whatever little we had. I think of the mockingjays singing. They were banished from Panem, but they always had something wonderful to sing about when I listened.

My dad used to call me a little bid because of how long I'd say in the trees singing with the mockingjays. He said I'd fly to the stars one day. I can't fly now. But, my dad gave me my star pendant. It was the first star I could touch and my eternal safe haven. That's a beautiful enough star for me. I want to hold my necklace. I try to grab it, but it's too far away and I'm too cold. I'm beginning to shiver. Knowing I can't hold it makes my heart hurt and tears grow bigger in my eyes.

I want this to end; no more games, no more blood, no more sadness. I want to go home. I want to go to sleep and forget it all. I think of my mother singing to me when I go to bed. It feels selfish, but I wish she was here to sing me a lullaby. But, she can't come into the games. She won't sing to me. My mom's too far away. I need to hear her voice so badly. I want to hear laughing. I need to hear singing. I'm too tired to move. I can feel a shadow of pain washing over me, but it's fading away. I can hardly feel Katniss's arms. That's what scares me the most. I know what happens next. I desperately need to hear singing.

I say quickly before I lose my voice entirely, "Sing?"

She nods so fast my eyes lose track of her. A tear is starting to stream down her cheek, "Okay."

She hesitates and I get nervous that I heard wrong. I want my mom. I want my family. I want to hear something that isn't a scream. I need to hear singing. There is no song.

As tears flood my eyes, I force them back. I have to be strong for my district, strong for myself, strong for Katniss. My mom told me to be strong. She told me the world would always be bad, but I couldn't let it get me or I'd be worse than the world. If I complain and wine about the Capital eating like kings while I am hungry and doing nothing, the Capital wins. If I am strong and endure, I'll find an opportunity to show up against the Capital and change my life for the better. I always thought it would have been something like planting a garden in the backyard with a never-dying tree, but now that I'm here, I know I found a way to beat the Capital and the bad world. I found a way to be strong. I helped Katniss and I killed no one, even when I had the chance. I beat the Capital and won the Hunger Games. I didn't play by their rules. I won because I stayed human. I was strong through all of that and I'll stay strong now.

Katniss starts to sing.

"Deep in the meadow,

Under the willow,

A bed of grass,

A soft green pillow…"

The trees are starting to blur and every grievance I have is gone. No regrets, no sadness. The sudden realization of what's happening to me sends a jolt of panic and fear back into my system and my eyes wander frantically. Katniss keeps singing. Her voice changes and I start to hear my mother's deep, soft, angelic voice. I see her warm brown skin and her raven black hair dangling over my head as she sings our lullaby to me.

"There's a valley of milk and honey,

Where every child can play

For many a day

And they won't need any money.

There's a moon shining bright overhead,

And morning will be warm and sunny.

So lay down in your bed

And tonight, rest your head.

Tomorrow we'll be in the valley of milk and honey."

Suddenly, I'm not afraid anymore and I know it's safe to go to sleep.


End file.
